Sunday, 25 February 2018
MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 1
She came in to the bedroom with her transparent night gown wearing a romantic perfume. Nobody was left at the house after a long day of felicitations and congratulations for the success of their wedding. Who would have thought Sis Rose could get married after several attempts failed at the altar of disappointment and betrayal.
Sis Rose had been into 8 relationships that never led to marriage. Getting suitors was never her problem but getting to the aisle was never realistic until she met Bro Solo. Bro Solo was a well-known brother in the choir and the dream husband of every lady as he seemed to be an example of a true Christian.
Bro Femi dated her for 18 months and jilted her because she refused him sex before marriage. Bro Ifeanyi left her after a year of relationship when he went for National Youth Service Corps at Enugu where he found Sis Chinyere. Bro Austin never gave any reason for quitting their relationship of 4 months. The history of Sis Rose's relationship journey was heartbreaking as she had dated 8 guys in 14 years.
'Bro Solo is going to leave like others, why put in the remaining pieces of my heart?', she thought. On her traditional wedding, she fainted twice for unbelief and shock that Bro Solo did not leave like other brothers. It was a well-celebrated and well-attended wedding. Members of the choir and ushering team added colour to the day as one of their own were the celebrants of the day.
The joy and excitement that Sis Rose was leaving singles fellowship of the church at 43 made the pastor overjoyed, so much that he made Sis Rose's wedding one of the best since the inception of the church. Family and friends were not left out as they all created scenes to add colour to the day.
Family and friends stayed back and never wanted to leave them alone even at the late hour of the night. Sis Rose had jokingly told her friends to leave to allow them start their honeymoon and everyone laughed. 'Madam are you driving us?' And they laughed again. In all these Bro Solo was indifferent as to whether they left or not.
At about 11:03pm, she joined him in the bedroom ready for action of the moon. This is the day she has been looking forward to; a day she wanted to be grabbed, squeezed, cuddled and made love to. A day she will have sex and not see it as sin against God. 'Dear, I am all yours now. Do to me what wish. I am not wearing anything underneath just to give you easy access.'
'Before we are carried away with the joy of our wedding let's thank God first for all his has done for us', Bro Solo replied. And the prayer of thanksgiving turned to intercessory prayers and then to warfare prayers. After 40 minutes Bro Solo was still praying. A prayer that was already getting Sis Rose pissed up. How can we turn our honeymoon to a prayer meeting? She thought within herself. She couldn't stop the prayer meeting because the tempo of the prayers increased by the minute. At about 12:29am she dosed off and went into a deep sleep. That night they missed the first flight!
Before Sis Rose could wake up by 6:30am, Bro Solo was already dressed up to meet an appointment for 7am in order to secure bus ticket for some of their guests who were slated to go with the first bus. 'Where are you going to this early that you are already dressed up?' she quarreled her husband. 'But we didn't make love last night being our first night together. Before you go out this morning, you must make love to me.' Dear, I am sorry that cannot happen now as I need to meet up for this appointment by 7am. I will make it up to you when I come back.
Sis Rose was not going to take no for an answer that morning. She jammed the door and held the keys "You are not going out this morning until you make love to me"! She called the pastor, "Hello sir, you need to make to our house now or else...."
The pastor quickly diverted from his way to his office to their house. 'What could warrant this distress call from the newest couple?' he thought within himself.
Why do you think Bro Solo is not sleeping with his wife? Find out in part 2
MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 2
''Would I supervise your spiritual life and also supervise your sexual life? Sexuality in marriage does not contaminate spirituality. Bro Solo why have you not touched your wife? I am your pastor and I have been sleeping with my wife for more than 20 years now. Prayer cannot replace sex in marriage. You are now married and licensed to have sex. Making love to your wife is no more a sin.'
'I know it is possible you are a virgin but today virginity is no longer profitable. If you don't know how to do it, I am here to teach you. You can ask me any question on sex. Sis Rose is now yours and by my authority, her parents authority and the authority of heaven you can kiss her, romance her and sleep with her as many times as is convenient for both of you. The way you rush your first meal after a long chain fasting is the same way I expect you to rush your wife. If there's any issue, you can confide in me.'
'Thank you daddy, we shall do the needful as you have counselled', Bro Solo said. After seeing the Pastor off to the other side of the road where his car was parked, the Pastor turned to the couple and said, 'Sis Rose ensure you call me later to let me know how everything goes. Bye! Bye!'
When they arrived back at their apartment, Bro Solo begged his wife to let him sort out and discharge all their guests so they could have uninterrupted time together. 'Let's do a quick one before you go, when you come back we can relax and have a nice time together.
'Why are you in hurry to have sex Sis Rose, sorry dear? How long will it take me to sort out our guests that you can't wait? Where is the self-control they've been teaching us about in church? Are we married because of sex or to fulfill God's purpose for our lives?
This is almost 24 hours we have been married, we have not discussed or done anything reasonable than sex. Must we have sex immediately after our wedding? Will the sex run away if we don't do it today? Why are you so particular about sex over other things that can add value to our lives and marriage. If we don't do it today, we can do it tomorrow.'
Sis Rose became worried and highly agitated at this time. Is there anything he is hiding from me? She thought! This is a lacuna of God's law. *"Marriage is honourable in all, and bed undefiled".* She questioned the law of God with hundreds of questions. I have kept the bed undefiled all these years, would I still stay away from the bed after marriage? Even if he is not going to make love to me, why won't he kiss me, hug me, caress me or even give peck. I want to feel like a woman but my man is a shadow of a real man.
I will not allow him go out today, the neighbours must hears us. I am going to make noise about this until third parties come to my rescue. This is no more spirituality but stupidity. 'Bro Solo, you are going nowhere until you perform your marital duty on your wife. No sex no going out today. If you step outside there, by the time you come back you won't meet me in this house again. You can't be more spiritual than the pastor, you can't be more catholic than the pope.'
'Sis Rose this is the work of the devil and we must not permit it. My spirit tells me the devil wants to capitalize on this small issue to cause problems at beginning of our marriage. We must not allow our guests to spend one more night in that hotel or else our bill will be heavy. Please let me go and settle them and I shall give you what you want. 'You will have to choose between your guests and your wife today,' Sis Rose replied him.
All the stories I have heard from my married friends on their first night are fantastic. This is a day I have patiently waited for. Why is mine like this? And tears rolled from her eyes down her cheeks. 'Sis Rose, are you crying? Why are you crying? Okay, sit down let me tell you why I have not touched you since yesterday...'
Are you still sure you can guess right? Wait until you read part 3. Your guess maybe right. Happy Monday Please do enjoy your day!!
'Sis Rose, I didn't marry you because of sex, I married you because I love you. Love is the basis for our union and not sex. I didn't tell you all these because I love you with all my heart. Don't push me to sleep with you if you don't know the reason why I don't want to sleep with you. You must have been thinking of many things in your mind like; if I am impotent or over-spiritual. I am not impotent neither am I over-spiritual. I am a complete man and will prove that in no time if you are patient.
You could remember the last time we traveled to your place for our wedding introduction and the four hours meeting I had with your parents and the elders in your clan? Did you notice I came out of the meeting moody and unhappy? You remember you asked me what was it we discussed for that long without you in the meeting? You also remember I had a 30 minutes meeting with your dad later that night?' 'Yes I remember everything you mentioned', she replied. What does that have to do with you not performing your conjugal obligation as my husband? If you are not impotent, prove it now and spare me all of these questions? I am not in court neither am I facing an elders council.
The only language I understand now is Sex! Sex! Sex! And nothing but sex. When people marry, it is normal for them to be anxious to devour themselves especially if they have not done it before. What I expect you to do now is to remove my pant and bra and make me feel like a woman and not tell me stories. I didn't marry you to tell me stories, I married you so you can make me a real woman.
Since you have decided to make me unhappy at my supposed honeymoon, you will never know happiness in your life. May God give you 100 fold of the pain you have caused me on the day of my joy. The scripture says, "defraud not one another" but you have defrauded me, may God pay you back all you have done to me.' Sis Rose, while in tears rained curses on her newly wedded husband.
'Sis Rose, are you cursing me? What have I done to warrant these terrible curses you just landed on me when you have not given me room to explain myself. I wish you could be patient enough to listen to me.' She interjected him, to listen to what? Who will listen to a half-man like you? Who will listen to a man who cannot make love to his wife, 24 hours after the wedding. Who will listen to an impotent man like you? Why she was naming him and renaming him with disgusting names, his phone rang. It was a call from his guests who had waited tirelessly for him. Bro Solo where are you? This is 10 minutes to 12 noon. He checked the wall clock and he remembered if his guests stay in the hotel beyond 12 that means a full payment for a day. He picked his bunch of keys and rushed out without seeking his wife's consent anymore.
By the time he got to the hotel it was 16 minutes past 12. 'You are welcome sir the hotel clerk greeted him with a scheduled bill of N85,000 for his guests for another day. But I am here to check them out, I am sorry for coming late. As you can see I just wedded and have lots to attend to. Please cancel the bill because they are not staying any further.'
'I am sorry that is not possible sir, it's a policy we don't have control over. Even if they are not going to stay further you have to pay for exceeding the stipulated time of 12 noon.' '
O my God, this is not fair' he protested! 'But we told you before they checked in. We also stated it clearly in our guest handbook.'
He rushed back to the house to pick from the money people sprayed them at their wedding reception. He got home and found the door slightly jammed. He rushed in and went for the money bag but it was not there again. 'Where are you dear?' No response! 'Sis Rose, where are you? Where is the money bag we kept here?' The absolute silence caused him to look round the house just to see a note on his bed.
"This is to tell you I have gone for good. I cannot live with a chameleon and an impotent man like you. Don't look for me until you find solution to your impotence. I have carried my box and the money they sprayed us at the wedding. While you continue your prayer meeting, I am going to sleep with any man who is willing to make me feel like a woman. God bless you Mr prayer warrior". Rose.
Are you still guessing?
Bro Solo read the note with tears in his eyes. His marriage of one day just disappeared into thin air in a jiffy. 'Where could she have gone? Why didn't she give me just a little time to explain myself. Who will help me tell Sis Rose how much I love her? Who will help me tell her she's more important to me than sex?'
He put a call through to some people, first to her father. Please sir did you hear from my wife? His father-in-law was embarrassed by such a question. 'How can you ask me such a question when she's supposed to be with you? I hope nothing bad has happened to my daughter? Isn't she supposed to be with you?' He kept mum for a while until his father-in-law asked him again, 'where is my daughter?' 'She is.......' 'She is what?' The man asked with angry voice. 'Sir we had a little argument and she left the house without my knowledge.' 'Oh, is it over that issue? But you promised me you could handle it. You told me you are a Christian and your God can take care of it. I hope you haven't broken the rules?' 'No sir,' Bro Solo replied.
He tried to call other people just to know if he could have an idea about where she has gone to but everyone he called was in shock - how could a bride of barely 1 day leave her husband's house without his knowledge? Everyone, friends and family became all confused and started making contacts to know the whereabouts of Sis Rose.
His problems became more complex as calls were coming in from the hotel for him to settle the bills of his guests. They accused him of abandoning them because he couldn't leave his wife just to sort them out. His heart became bitter when he knew he had no N85,000 to settle his guests hotel bill. While he was thinking of what to do, his pastor's call came in. 'How are you Bro Solo, I hope you are back from Jerusalem now? How did you feel with your wife? I already know you felt very high. Was that your first time?' The pastor sensed something was wrong when Bro Solo did not answer any of his numerous questions. 'Bro Solo are you there?' 'Yes daddy, just that.....' 'Just that what?' 'Sir I will be coming to the office to explain to you.'
He immediately went to pastor's office. 'Sir, she has gone, your daughter has gone.' The pastor was a bit confused and he asked, 'gone to where?' While he was trying to ask further questions he gave him the note from Sis Rose. After the pastor read it he was embarrassed. You mean you didn't touch her? 'Hmmmm...... ,' Bro Solo exclaimed.
'Sir, you remember I told you I will see you immediately after our wedding?' 'Yes I remember, what is it?' 'Sir it is a long story but I will summarize everything now. My wife thought I am impotent but I am not. You think I am a virgin but I am not. I impregnated a girl before when I was in secondary school but we lost the baby after three months.
Sis Rose have not been able to get married all this while because there is a generational tradition in her family. She lost her three sisters over this tradition after their husbands slept with them after marriage. The taboo of this tradition is that any man who marry their daughters must not have sexual intercourse with them until after one year of their marriage. Her sisters who took the tradition for granted lost their lives instantly but nothing happened to the men. This was the reason for the four hours meeting I had with her parents and the elders on our introduction day.
All the men who came to asked her hand in marriage quietly quit on hearing this terrible tradition but I gave them my word that I will stay with her for that one year without sex while we consult you for further prayers and deliverance session. How long is one year of sexual denial if it is the price for the life of my wife? Why won't I wait for one year if I could abstain from sex for 14 years. Unfortunately Sis Rose never gave me the opportunity to prove my love to her. If I had slept with her yesterday she would have been dead by now. I agreed to go into the one year marriage without sex with her because I love her.'
The pastor was dumbfounded and felt very sorry for judging him wrongly. 'How else can a man love his wife than this?'
1. Always give an opportunity for people to explain themselves regardless of the gravity of their offense.
2. Don't be quick to judge people when you don't know their intentions.
3. Don't be in hurry to quit.
What is your advice for them?
Immediately after Sis Rose left her 1 day old marriage, she traveled to a far place like the prodigal son. She went to live with an old friend from her primary school days in a place where nobody would know her. She quickly changed her phone number and vowed never to contact anybody until after three years. It was a nightmare for Bro Solo all the time she was away. He was married but single. In no time he was nicknamed "A man who married for one day".
Bro Solo tried all his best in search of his wife but all to no avail. The shame and pressure from his in-laws were unbearable as they pestered his life daily to produce their daughter. Some good friends and his pastor stood by him during this trying times as everyone turned on their search lights. Has she committed suicide? Has anything bad happened to her? Is she alive or dead? These and more questions were Bro Solo's daily thoughts.
Sis Rose kept to her promise as she went into the world in search of sexual satisfaction anywhere and everywhere available. She could sleep with three different men within a month. Her journey from Zion to Egypt was swift - a vibrant Christian sister turned a corporate prostitute as she jumped from one man to the other irrespective of their status. She did not spare anything in trouser that crossed her path. She was like a bird let loosed from the cage.
Sis Rose was fully aware of the tradition in her family because her father narrated the pros and cons of the tradition to her after she lost Magdalena, her immediate sister. She died on her wedding night after her husband made love to her. On hearing this, Sis Rose had gone to her pastor in her former church who is gifted in deliverance ministry. It was a seven days deliverance session. During this deliverance session it was revealed to the man of God the origin of the tradition.
Her great great grandfather in search of wealth, power and fame had married out all his daughters born and unborn to a powerful goddess in exchange. No woman can marry and enjoy marriage except they pay him back his dowry or abstain from sex for one full year. The dowries paid on his daughters were in exchange for wealth, power and fame. Those who cannot wait for the one year must provide a virgin, 14 cow heads, 14 she goats, 21 cowries and 24 yards of white cloth for sacrifice.
While conducting her deliverance, the spirit of the goddess was summoned to release Sis Rose and her marriage. The goddess had no problem if they slept with other men asides their husbands. They could sleep with any man as far as he wasn't married to them.
Who does not know that Satan doesn't give free gift. No wonder the word of God says "The fathers have eaten a sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge". Satan at his best gives you one and takes two. He gave wealth, power and fame to a father but took all the marriages of the daughters for all generations.
On her second year of sexual adventure, Sis Rose became sick and was admitted into the hospital. The sickness was bad and was taking her life away. One of her kidneys was gone and only a kidney transplant could save her. Who will donate a kidney to Sis Rose in a strange land? Amongst all her numerous boyfriends, no one showed up to donate his kidney to save her life. It was at this junction she realized she had been foolish because she wanted sexual satisfaction. For the first time she called a friend to explain her ordeals and sought her help to reunite her with her family and husband.
Did she reconcile with her husband? Did her husband take her back? Who donated a kidney to save her life?
Her issue became complicated when she discovered that she was HIV positive. The cost of kidney transplant for a HIV patient was also a nightmare. All her corporate prostitution could not fetch her enough money for her kidney transplant.She lived in fear and agony daily as her health deteriorated. 'This is the time to return home like the prodigal son to my husband, earthly father and heavenly father.' She said to herself. 'But will my husband accept me back? What would I tell my father? How do I explain my foolishness to my pastor? Would I be able to face my church members again? How do I tell my unit leader in church that I left my husband because of one day sexual denial? How do I explain to people that see me as a good Christian?' She was lost in thought.Thoughts of suicide filled her mind. 'The pain and shame will be too heavy a cross for me to carry. What is the use of a woman with damaged kidney living with HIV? Even if the kidney transplant is successful what about the HIV virus? What a useless life! To die would have been better than this. O death where are you? If you don't come for me l, I will come to you.'
At about 11am on Thursday his phone rang, 'hello! Hello! Who am I on to?' Bro Solo asked his caller. 'It's me Angela, Rose's friend.' 'Oh, Angela how are you? Quite an age,' he greeted. 'Sir I have a good news and a bad news for you, which will you want me to share first, the bad news or the good news?' 'Please share the bad new first and let the good news follow, he said. Your wife is alive and reachable but'........ 'But what?' He interrupted her. She's sick and in need of a kidney donor to save her life. 'Please tell her I will donate my second kidney for her. At this time he had not known that she was also HIV positive.
Immediately he arrived at the hospital and saw Sis Rose he could not but shed uncontrollable tears because of her pitiable condition. 'Why didn't you give me a chance to explain myself? Why did you leave me in this agony without knowing I did what I did to save your life? If I had slept with you that night you would have been dead by now. You didn't allow me explain the agenda of my 4 and half hours meeting with your parents and elders.
'I am sorry, I was misled. I listened to the agent of the devil in sheep's clothing. I was not wise enough to ask you. It was Bro Sam who told me few days to our wedding that you are impotent. I didn't believe him initially but your attitude on our wedding day made me believe him.' Bro Sam is Bro Solo's friend in the same unit in church. He was nursing the intension of wooing Sis Rose when Bro Solo introduced her to him as his fiancée. This secret was known after it was discovered Bro Sam had told similar lies against two other brothers in church. He was suspended from his unit for three months after his confession.
'Let's leave all these talk for now and attend to your health. Can I see the doctor?' He was led to the doctor's office to donate his kidney to save his wife. Tests were carried out on him but his kidney could not be used. 'Please sir do something to save my wife's life, she must not die.' Bro Solo begged the doctor. 'If she was not HIV positive the transplant would have been much easier.' The doctor said. HIV what? Bro Solo collapsed and was rushed to the emergency ward for attention.
After some several hours they were able to revive Bro Solo from the shock. By the following day he was strong and fully restored. Considering the distance to their base, he requested his wife be referred to another teaching hospital closer to their home for easy management and accessibility. He settled all her bills and moved his wife to the nearest teaching hospital to their home. On arrival, the new consultant insisted on repeating all the tests already conducted in the former hospital.
They were really kept in suspense as the doctor refused to administer single drugs or injection but paracetamol. As Bro Solo beheld his wife in pain without been given any treatment he became sick of the whole thing. Sis Rose's mother suggested that she should be moved to a private hospital where she would be attended to properly. Despite his worries and fears, Bro Solo was still managing to muster some faith to pray to God. 'O Lord take away this reproach,' he prayed. While he was lying on the bench dosing, he got a tap from a nurse, 'sir the doctor will want to see you in his office.' He jumped up and ran to the doctors' office with fear and agitation. 'Sir, you sent for me', 'please sit down', the doctor said.'We have conducted all the necessary tests and we have repeated each test twice to be sure of what we are seeing.' 'Sir, is there any more thing than the kidney failure and HIV?' Bro Solo ask with shaking voice. 'I am sorry to tell you that your wife's case is so pathetic beyond our comprehension.' Bro Solo hearing this slumped again. Like the other time he was rushed to the emergency ward. His BP had gone extremely high beyond normal due to shocks and fear. The next time the doctor was to reveal the contents of the results he requested more mature people to be invited. His father-in-law and his pastor were readily available. The doctor broke the news to Rose's father and the pastor precept by precept with patience.
Sis Rose has no kidney failure neither was she HIV positive. After thorough investigations, it was discovered that this error came from the lab technician who conducted the test in the first hospital. He exchanged Sis Rose's tests result with another Rose. The difference in the surnames are 'A' and 'U' i.e Adeola and Adeolu. Sis Rose's undoing was using her father's name instead of her husband's name when she arrived the strange land. Obviously this error would have been avoided. The lab technician was sued for negligence and the former hospital was made to pay damages.
All the treatments given to Sis Rose was actually what caused the complications for her. All she had was typhoid and malaria. After three weeks she was discharged from the hospital cleared of all sickness. Praise God! Hallelujah. The return of Sis Rose was more celebrated than her wedding, it was a holistic return. A reunion with her husband, her family, the church and with God.
She confessed all her sins and her atrocities to her husband in the presence of the pastor. Her husband forgave her, her pastor prayed for her and God restored her. As at this time there was no need to worry about the family tradition again as one year of abstinence had already elapsed. Bedroom activities resumed immediately.
After two months, Sis Rose became sick and was taken to the hospital. This was a good sickness, Sis Rose was 5 weeks pregnant. She was delivered of a bouncing baby boy in due time. The joy in Bro Solo could not be measured as he was told he's now a father. The devil was a loser. Their pastor later explained one of the revelations he had about how the powerful family goddess was all responsible for all of Sis Rose's attitude. The spirit of the goddess became so angry for losing Sis Rose, so she capitalized on her desperation to have sex. Bro Solo and Sis Rose have since been living together in peace and harmony.
The End Of The End.
MARRIED BUT NO SEX - part 1-7
The Return Of Sis RoseA Story Written By Ayodele Adeoye
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