Showing posts with label COLLECTION OF BEST JOKES AND SHORT FUNNY STORIES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label COLLECTION OF BEST JOKES AND SHORT FUNNY STORIES. Show all posts

Sunday, 26 August 2018

SEVEN GREAT JOKES


[1] THE COE
The CEO of a company was walking round the factory to see how the staff were working. He noticed a guy leaning against the wall doing nothing, he approached the man and asked him, "How much do you earn? "The guy was amazed and said, "N60,000 Sir".

The CEO. took out his wallet, gave the guy N120,000 and yelled at him, "I pay people here to work and not waste time loafing around. This is your 2 months salary, now Get out of here, don't say a word and never come back!"

After the guy had left, the CEO now looked at the other workers and asked, "by the way, who was that guy?" The workers replied, "he was waiting for his friend."

[2] AN OLD FARMER
An old farmer wrote a letter to his son in prison. "Son, this year I will not plant cassava and yam because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would have helped me".

The son replied his father "Dad don't even think of digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole".

The police  on reading this letter went early in the morning and dug the whole field in search of the money but nothing was found.

The next day the son wrote his father again "Dad you can now plant your cassava and yam this is the best I can do from here."

Dad replied "Hahaaa my son, you are too powerful indeed, even in prison you still command police men to work for me. I was so surprised to see the IGP and his team holding hoes and shovels, digging my farm. I will write to you when I want to harvest."

[3] HOW DID THE FIGHT START?
After service on Sunday, a wife saw Her husband sitting quietly in d church garden. She got concerned nd decided to ask Him.

Wife: Hey darling, why are you sitting so quietly in the garden? What is bothering you?

Husband: I am thinking about the confession of our pastor. It's making me uncomfortable.
Wife: What is it?
Husband: The pastor confessed that He has Slept wth all the married women nd single girls in the church but only one Woman didn't want to Sleep wth Him becsuse she fears God.
Wife: It must be that Madam Comfort. She's always doing Holy Holy.

[4]TEACHER AND STUDENT
TEACHER: Our topic for today is  Photosynthesis.
TEACHER : What is photosynthesis class?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic today.

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you.

TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don't call them, they come on their own.

TEACHER : Name the nation people hate most
Student: Exami-nation.

TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home.

TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that?
Student : Future impossible

[5] IN THE DREAM
I got to the Airport to board a flight to Abuja. Suddenly, I saw an elderly woman complaining about her stolen phone. I went close to see if I could help. Immediately she saw my phone, she told the crowd that it was her phone which was an iPhone 5. For a moment I was so surprised, shocked and so confused. She held and slapped me.

The crowd attempted to beat me up but luckily a policeman came into the scene. He asked what was going on, I explained with tears all over my face. The Policeman asked the woman to call her phone. She called and a girl picked, apparently it was her daughter; " she said mum you left your phone at home when you were leaving to town" Tears rolled down the more from my eyes because I had already been disgraced.

The policeman told the woman to apologize, the woman brought out her Cheque book and wrote a cheque of 5.5million naira and wanted to hand it over to me suddenly I woke up. Oh it was a dream!

[6] ENGLISH CLASS
Teacher: Today, we'll talk about question tags. Here are examples:
1. She is coming, isn't she?
2. They have eaten, haven't they?
Now, who can give me another example?
Abu: Sir! Na Yam we go chop today, chopn't  we?
Teacher: What kind of sentence is that, please who can help correct him?
Akpos: Sir! Na yam we go chop today, yamn't we?
Teacher: You guys must be stupid! Must you joke with everything? Now it is your turn Joseph! I know you're brilliant. Give us an example.
Emmanuella: Na motor go kill our teacher, killn't him?
Teacher: Na motor go kill your papa, papan't u?
You are now laughing. Laughin't u?

[7] QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.
Logic!!

TEACHER:  Joseph, go to the map and find North America .
JOSEPH:   Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Joseph.

TEACHER: Wale, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
WALE:  You told me to do it without using the tables.
TEACHER:  Adigun , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
ADIGUN:     K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
ADIGUN:      Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   
(I  Love this child)

TEACHER:  Rebecca , what is the chemical formula for water?
REBECCA : H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
REBECCA: Yesterday you said it's H to O.   

TEACHER: Moses, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
MOSES:    Me!

TEACHER:   Abraham, why do you always get so dirty?         
ABRAHAM:    Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.   

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Peter , do you know why his father didn't punish him?
PETER:   Because George still had  the axe in his hand.

TEACHER:   Buwembo, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BUWEMBO : No sir, It's the same dog.   
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

TEACHER: Femi, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
FEMI:   A teacher

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